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Battered women

Posted by Diamanda - Created: 16 years ago
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5 replies (Showing replies: 1 to 5)

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Posted by 9000 - 16 years ago

Can I just say that I hope there is no misunderstanding. My story relates to a period when I was only 14 years old and the haunted look of the mother's children is still in my mind.

I wish your organisation the very best of success and I hope all the families that seek your assistance achieve what they want. Most of all peace and happiness.

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Posted by Diamanda - 16 years ago

Hi Sophie, I'm not sure you had my message on your mobile. I talked about you to the "manager" who's on holidays for the moment and who prefers to wait september before telling you. I think she'll want to talk with you.

We'll be waiting for your call, from 1st on. Thanks again to you, it's very kind.

See you.

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Posted by sophie2197 - 16 years ago

Hi Diamanda,I just called your association a while ago but I am not sure if it is you I spoke with. I am very interested in helping out the association and I do have experience (i was a hotline consultant for H.A.W.K- HELP FOR ABUSED WOMEN AND CHILDREN). I would like to do anything I can. I am all to aware that this is a huge problem and only by offering knowledge and shelter can these women escape. I look foward to hearing from you.yours,sophie

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Posted by Diamanda - 16 years ago

Almost half of battered women manage to have an autonomous life again and regain self assurance. They usually try to go away several times before doing it for good.

They do not love drama, they simply put up with it because of the children in between, the hope that their husbands will be what they used to be at the beginning, sometimes their inexistant professional life, their permanent depressive (sometimes suicidal) behaviour, the fact that they don't know the laws that protect them, fear or shame, etc... There are so many things to be taken into account, but not their crazy love, for in that case they too would batter their husbands. Passionate relationships have nothing to do with one-way violence.

I understand the difficulty you had to help that family, it's impossible to do so if the woman doesn't say stop by herself. It must have been very difficult for her children too, but that's why associations for domestic violence awareness must exist. Even if women uselessly came to them 9 times out of 10, they would still be helpful, reassuring and ready when "the moment" comes.

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Posted by 9000 - 16 years ago

Does anyone want to talk about this?

When I was a child, more than a quarter of a century ago, I knew a battered woman in my neighbourhood. I tried to help but in the end I was powerless to do anything. Her lover would continuously leave and come back and each time there would be something to show for it. Her children would constantly have a look of fear in their eyes each day. One day they'd think he was gone for good and the next day he would be back. I exchanged books with the elder child and so perhaps I got too involved.

When the woman fell pregnant, the guy didn't want to know and disappeared. She thought of having an abortion (and she confided all this on my small shoulders) but she didn't in the end. And eventually he came back indefinitely. It seemed he came back for good and so her kids moved out and she stopped talking to me. I must admit I was glad to dis-involve myself as I was so young but I still wish these things didn't happen.

As I got older, I realised that these things can be like an addiction to the individuals involved. A small few, maybe, need the drama and the crazy love that goes along with it.

Of course, it shouldn't be tolerated by any means and it is important to have people and organisations around to whom these woman can reach out.

My question, however, is of those 1911 women that came to see you, how many have actually moved on and resolved their situation? It is this information that would be please me.